Accessories for the Apocalypse
Available at Amazon, roads permitting

Inspired by hearing that a friend spotted a San Franciscan with a leopard skin breathing mask
during the fires in Sonoma/Napa counties, October 2017. Note: Leopards are becoming extinct.

​Gas masks with Uber logo in case anyone needs a ride
Rubber bucket-soled easy-to-slip-on shoes
Pocket oars that can also serve as fans to cool down in climate change temperatures
Fireproof hairspray for high winds
Yoga mats printed with upbeat slogans for spiritual street sleeping
Frappucino-sculpted emergency water bottles as a reminder that “Life is Good”
Fold up cell phone chargers tattooed with “No worries”
Ear bud implants to drown out fire engines, police cars, ambulances
Renewable hemp chewing gum to keep the mouth moist in cases of extreme panic
Fold up, easy to carry wooden prongs to dry handkerchiefs (wet zones only)
A combined water/fireproof guide: “9 Ways to Love Yourself in Times of Emergency”,
also useful as pillows in shelters
Fireproof Wellington boots that turn inside out to become water-wings
White sleeping bag on a stick to sleep in by night and wave from a rooftop by day
Inflatable raft doubling up as a dining table for six (in case)
Rollerblades that play Stevie Wonder's Hotter than July when in motion
Baseball cap with wig attached when hairdresser can’t be located
Portable solar panel to make morning espresso
Portable mailbox
No spandex